What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
