my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
