I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
