I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
