Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
