no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
