It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
