I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
