it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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