Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
