didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
