Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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