You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
