It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
