After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
