shes about as inviting as chlamydia
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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