You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
