I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
