I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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