Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
