Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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