Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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