took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
