I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
