the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
