You're my little dorito
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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