If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
