i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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