A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
