My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
