final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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