I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize