..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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