At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
