Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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