Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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