I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
