you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
