do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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