I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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