That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
