Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
