Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
