i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Come on in and take your pants off
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