My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
