she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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