so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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