His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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