Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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