Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
