I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
