i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
