like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
