you would pick up someone in the library
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
