She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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