one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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