The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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