I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
