I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
