none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
