Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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