he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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