so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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