no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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