There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
