she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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