I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
