well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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